Definition of Faith: Confidence or trust

Lesson was not bad today. First time I did something else during Chinese. Lao shi also knows but she never scold. I answered her questions too and I always listen to her so it's just this time I really needed to do something freaking important. 

OMG I knew it! Haha, I knew I won't be playing today. I know he wants to give the juniors a chance so I'm sure he will put them down in place of me since I didn't play very well on Monday and also YN would go to singles since she is most likely playing singles next year. Lols. It was actually great to know that you won't be playing. Don't need to be scared that you will get butterflies in court, don't need to be scared that you can't perform well and don't need to be scared that you will pull your partner down. When coach gave his small little speech at the end, he said only Anabel played her best. Good for her! I'm happy for her. She played her very best even against the good Thai player and now I think she will have more confidence in herself. (: 

The way Miao Yun ties her hair is very funny. It's very different and it's the first time I see that kind of plaits. It's unique. Lols, had fun talking to her. She's one which I don't have to watch what I say and I can just say it out freely (: 

Homework: 

1. Physics worksheet 

2. Study for Math test 

Woosh, I have English but I never bring back my book so I can't do and POA I need time man. Don't think I can finish it today.

Tomorrow is team buffet. I need to remember to bring $15 to pay coach for the re-string of "his" racket. I plan to do something on Monday. 

Sometimes, I like to hide words. If you are lucky enough, you will find it. If not, you'll just miss it. (:   

I WANNA GIVE DRUG A TRY!

If I decide to commit suicide this Sunday, will (whoever you are) that's reading this care?

What if I really am going to jump down from my flat and before that, I call you and tell you that it's the last you are going to hear from me? 

What are you going to do?

Will you even believe that it's not even a joke?

I have a feeling I may not be playing tomorrow...

Wah, I watched the last episode on channel U and it makes me wanna cry. That couple died in the end and they were both evil! It was so freaking sad to see everyone crying regardless of their doings and harm they did to their families and friends last time. 

Moral of the story: Forgive before it's too late.

My day was okay. Mrs K. got angry today because she found out that more than half the class did not do finish the 2009 paper that she was going through. Majority stood up because they only left the question out cos they don't know how to do. Oh wells, she was angry anyways. The class wasn't very responsive anyway.

Chinese orals for me was okay for reading. When it came to conversation, we had to draw lots and OMG I picked the topic I wanted. In sec one I also prepared for only 1 topic and so lucky I got that topic too by drawing lots. Wow! It started off kinda rocky but after a while it was okay. I know I won't fail but I just hope I won't get borderline marks. It's freaking orals! Haha, I'm better at talking then writing. 

I am gonna get a new ez-link card and for now, I'm using the adult ez-link card which is much more expensive. Can't live without ez-link card. 

I'm gonna go do my homework now. Lots to do man!

1. Physics weekly paper

2. Math 1 hour paper plus 2009 graph
3. POA assignment

OFF TO SPEND TIME WITH MY PAPERS! :D

Sometimes you have no idea what that person is thinking. 

Sometimes you try your hardest and crack your brain to ask what has gone wrong. 

Sometimes you ask yourself why did this happened in the first place.

Sometimes you want to bang your head against the wall because you found out that you did something really stupid.

Sometimes you have so many questions you want to ask but you just keep it to yourself because you are tired of seeking for the answer.

 

If any of my friends die tomorrow, today, later, now, I will cry like I've never cried before. So I'm gonna make an effort to tell everyone how much I love them. I don't mind exchanging my life with theirs and die in their place. For that's what I think one will do for their love ones.

I feel like moving... either to tumblr or another blogspot.

This morning, I freaking got a stomach ache before I was about to leave house. I'm always scared to have a stomach ache before I leave house cos I am bound to have a higher chance of getting late. Thank god I wasn't. Phew. 

I only had Chinese and Math today. The rest was slack cos its PE and recess. I was helping Mr Bal take down the 2.4 timings for both 4/7 and 4/8 kinda fun. Then Seraphina backed out half way cos she felt breathless so I asked Mr Bal what to write for hers. He said put "DNF" next to it. So I was like ".. Do Not Fail?" Haha, I know it's dumb. It stands for "Did Not Finish". Lols. 

After Math, I went down to the canteen with Shaz to get my math paper. I had to run back up to class again to get my phone and that's when I realised Hui Teng was sick. She cried was she wasn't feeling well and Crystal went with her to the general office. I grab my phone and went down to look for her. Together with Crystal, we accompanied Hui Teng up to class and I took the paper and let Mrs Kunna sign. She was like "Aiyo, why so many people sick these few days?". Haha.  No Idea Mrs Kunna! Haha.

I accompanied Hui Teng to the school gate and went back to the canteen. Realised that I haven't had anything to eat so I bought yoghurt. I only ate Chawanmushi for recess and yoghurt for lunch. Damn, a little hungry but the funny thing was that I wasn't hungry during my match.

Speaking of my match, I had a feeling before that that I won't play well. I knew it. I really didn't play well. Instead, I played crap. It was really crap. All my shots were out and I keep hitting into the net. I was scared when I entered the court, I don't know why. I knew we could be them but I was really scared and had butterflies in my stomach. Maybe it was because I keep thinking that I lack skills training for the past week and therefore I couldn't play well just now. I really think I lack skill practice, I didn't have enough feel of the shuttle or racket when we came back from our sand training to ground and skills training. Oh wells, my partner said I had the very "stone or blank or expressionless" face. Erm, I always have that face when it's really true that I'm stoning or I am hiding my fear. I thought she knew I was scared but she didn't so thats good. Means the opponent may also think that I'm just stone and not scared.

During the match, I was asking myself so many times WTH am I doing and I have to play simple shots. Damn, my freaking "Not Simple Shots" is coming back. Uhuh, and the other thing that I was surprised a little was that coach didn't scold me. I freaking wanted him to scold me but he didn't. I guess I have reeached the stage where there's no need for a coach to scold me anymore like I know what to do and all that just that I needa show it and play it. Or perhaps I'm not going to be under his training anymore so what's the point of getting angry at a player that is leaving? 

I like to think about weird weird things during the match. Like my freaking mind just cannot focus and like to wonder about. I thought of how Shi Yin and Yi Ning had been chasing me for money from Badminton fund and I thought of a particular person which made me wondered why that even happened/started. If I say it was because of 1 particular person which made me not able to perform today, will you believe? I think my partner will since she didn't believe that I was really scared. NO, it has nothing to do with anybody or any personal matters, I think. I just met "frightened" and "butterflies" when the match started. 

I was drenched when I was walking home. The rain was kinda heavy and I had no shelter. I hid my racket under my shirt and started walking in the rain. Kinda fun but I was carrying chicken pie as well as other stuff, it's so bulky. Makes it harder to walk. Was so glad when I reached home (=  Said "HI" to all the bunnies and tortoise also. I like to say "Hi" and talk to them. I think they can hear me just that they have no idea what I'm talking about. It's okay, at least they listen. Haha, or rather just sit there and rest. My cutie pies! (=

OMG, I found out that I have an open blister at my front toe when I got home. It was not just 1 or 2 but 3 layers of skin open! Wow, I was freaked out and started to trim away the old skin. Damn, it looks pinkish and eeee, I'm hoping it will grow a new skin of layer asap. 

Glad to be home now and just waiting for my mom to come back so that I can have dinner. Listening to songs and oh my, there are some really old songs which I dug up and one of them I bet has already been forgotten. It's a nice song though. 

Never give up
Never give up

The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one
I'm not that kind of girl, who gives up just like that, oh noooo

It's not the things you do that tease on hurt me bad
But it's the way you do the things you do to me
I'm not that kind of girl, who gives up just like that, oh noooo

The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one
The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one
Number one, number one

Every girl wants you to be her man
But I'll wait right here till it's my turn
I'm not that kind of girl, who gives up just like that, oh noooo

The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one
The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one
Number one,number one

Every time that I get the feeling
You gave me something to believe in
everytime that I got you near me
I know the way that I want it to be
But you know I'm gonna take my chance now
I'm gonna make it happen somehow
And you know I can take the pressure
A moment pain for a lifetime pleasure

Every girl wants you to be her man
But I'll wait right here till it's my turn
I'm not that kind of girl, who gives up just like that, oh noooo

The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one
The tide is high but I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one

Everytime that I get the feeling
You gave me something to believe in
Every time that I got you near me
I know the way that I want it to be
But you know I'm gonna take my change now
I'm gonna make it happen somehow
And you know I can take the pressure
A moment pain for a lifetime pleasure

 

So true

There are things that you don’t want to continue, but you are afraid to end. It’s like you don’t want to expect anything, but you’re still willing to wait.

我好心帮你，你就呱呱叫！以后不要再帮你了，免得我被马！

Yum, dinner was good. I was suppose to cook a dish just now for dinner but then my dad say go out eat so I was kinda pissed. I was hoping we eat dinner at any one of my favourite place and we did. (= Hehe, I was happy after that. Had dinner with my aunt's family and we ate "Shou Bao" cos it was her birthday. Not bad, I like the shape and color of the pao. 

I'm left with Physics, Math 2008 and 2009 paper, English "School"... I guess I can only sleep at midnight. Oh which reminds me of, nationals against Kranji tomorrow and I'm suppose to sleep early. Oh crap, what am I going to do man? I'll figure a way out. :D I always have some ideas at the back of my brain. Oh and speaking of that, the back of my neck hurts. I have no idea why. Whatever, I'm gonna be okay tomorrow. (I think)

I won't be taking PE tomorrow and so is Divya! Haha. Oh did I mention that both our classes combined? 4/7 and 4/8 combined and Mr bal is taking over us. Damn, my class is sad that Miss Teo is not taking us. :( Love her so much! Miss ain is also taking our classes, more of learning I think. Divya and I will be skipping PE twice cos next week also we have competition, that means we will be skipping 2.4km twice! =O Is that good? Haha, I have no idea. I don't think I will fail my 2.4km though. I will pass for sure. If I fail, wow, it will be a rare history that I created for myself. 

I am soo not going to leave Math class halfway. I'm suppose to actually but NO, I don't wanna get scolded by Mrs K. for leaving half way during her class and also, Math is important and I can't afford to miss her lesson too. So yup, I'm leaving class at 11.10am. I will be leaving at this timing on Wednesday too cos I don't wanna skip Chinese on Wednesday. Chinese is my favourite (= See first, if it's not very interesting then I'll leave. Damn, I don't wanna miss 5 blocks of F&N! It will not just kill me but I will missing a lot! AHH! Mrs Tan said: "Aiyo, that time you told me it's the last time you will be leaving for competition then now leave again".. Hahaha. Crap, it will be my last 2 times Mrs Tan! Haha, including next Monday. Oh boy, I don't wanna miss your lesson either. It's crucial to attend F&N so I know what to do for coursework. So.. Kanana! (My new word)

Alright, I shall stop crapping here and go do my work! Tata! :)

I just read someone's blog. I hope her friends will see it and go to her rescue.

Oh wells, I'm currently doing coursework now and OMG I am drowning in the facts of nutrients and heart diseases. I'm like so loaded with the facts that I am getting tired of it. Must continue and shall not slack. Hehe, thank god my brother's not back yet, I am stilll using his com. Whenever I do coursework, music always accompanies me as well as my F&N file and textbook. Life could not have been better without them. I just wrote ... stuff. Whatever, I love to say anything and everything even if it doesn't make sense. (=

Shit mans, tomorrow is the start of Nationals. I don't even have any feel like I feel nothing at all. I think I will feel it only tomorrow. I'm now too busy enjoying my time with F&N... LIKE REAL! Haha. 

I LOVE HER

&

I LOVE HER SONGS!

I'm sitting here alone up in my room
And thinking about the times that we've been through (oh my love)
I'm looking at a picture in my hand
Trying my best to understand
I really want to know what we did wrong
With a love that felt so strong
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
'Cause you're the only one within my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

I know I've been a fool since you've been gone
I'd better give it up and carry on (oh my love)
'Cause living in a dream of you and me
Is not the way my life should be
I don't want to cry a tear for you
So forgive me if I do
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
'Cause you're the only one within my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

I'd do anything, I'd give you my world
I'd wait forever, to be your girl
Just call out my name, and I will be there
Just to show you how much I care

I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
'Cause you're the only one within my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

Ok, fine, it does.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.

The ones whom is always the first to greet me early in the morning every weekends are my little bunnies. They are awesome, I love them. Some are like sleepy heads lying around and others followed everywhere I walked in the balcony cos they want food. Haha, the minute I shake the plastic bag, all the sleepy heads will run and those following me will go into the cage. Hehe, gave them some just now. Now they're happily eating (= 

~One big loving family~

Life is a cycle and it is boring me out now. Well, at least it is for me right now. Everything is repeating itself. Seriously, it's hard to find something new and interesting or something fresh to look forward to. But, despite all this stupid stuff, I will manage to find something to laugh about everyday and find something I can look forward to just to add a little bit of joy into my boring life. 

Yup, I think it's time to let everything slide away and look pass it. It's time to move on and create a new chapter.

To the beat of my
To the beat of my
To the beat of my heart

I'm thinking about
Letting it out
I wanna give in
I wanna to go out
Been looking around
I've finally found
The rhythm of love
The feeling of sound
It's making a change
The feeling is strange
It's coming right back
Right back in my range
Not worried about
Anything else
I'm waking up

CHORUS:
To the beat of my
To the beat of my
To the beat of my
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
It tears us apart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
Now I'm back to the start

To the beat of my
To the beat of my
To the beat of my heart

I'm up from my down
I turn it around
I'm making it back
I'm not going to drown
I'm taking a stance
I won't miss a chance
I want you to see
I'm not scared to dance
The way that you feel
Could never be real
I want you to know
I finished the deal
So I'm saying to you
I'll always be true
To the rhythm inside

CHORUS:
To the beat of my
To the beat of my
To the beat of my
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
It tears us apart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
Now I'm back to the start

To the beat of my
To the beat of my
To the beat of my heart

Away, away, away, away (x4)

Beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
It tears us apart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
Now I'm back to the start

CHORUS:
The beat of me heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
It tears us apart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
The beat of my heart
Now I'm back to the start
To the beat of my
To the beat of my
To the beat of my heart
Away, away, away, away (x2)

I'm going to crap again. Haha. Feel like writing something. For bio tuition today, woah, I finally understood heterozygous and the alleles and meiosis and everything that has to do with inheritance. I also understood co-dominant and phenotype, genotype all those stuff. Woosh, I also understood how or why the next generation have this and that from their parents. Haha, this whole chapter was taught in a spend of 2 days and today I understood everything. Felt so good because I didn't quite understand a lot of things during those 2 lessons.  

I don't have the feel that nationals is tomorrow. It's Sunday now in case you don't understand. I like to count the days like that, once it pass midnight, it is the next day, no longer the previous day. I'm crapping. Whatever.

Alright, I'm gonna write until here. Gonna go read "The 5 people you meet in heaven". (Steal my brother's book.. Haha, just kidding. Gonna ask him since he is at home! :D) Nitez! (=

It’s amazing, some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it changed the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they don’t know it, it still happens.

I learn to let go and then you catch me again. It’s like we’re playing tag and I can never run far enough away. It’s true, when they say memories haunt you, they’re not lying. The memories keep bringing me back, it keeps allowing me to take chances at something that’s impossible, it keeps making me forgive people and things that I said I would never take another shot at.

If only there's a drug that can free me from encountering any problems in life...

If you can’t solve it, It isn’t a problem – it’s reality. And sometimes reality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes the longest to realize. But once it hits you in the face you’ll never forget it. It will always be there in your memories and sometimes that’s the best way to look at it.

Behind every "I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm alright", it's a mind and soul occupied with confusion, trying to find a way out. 

“ No matter how far life pushes you down, no matter how much you hurt, you can always bounce back" 

Yup, that's what I'm freaking gonna do...

Someday I'll like to try it... 

Though I know it's harmful...
I'm letting this shit get the best of me...

It’s not a lie if you believe it, it’s no mistake if it’s always repeated.

Argh, today is not really my day! I was late for Math lesson. I reached school around 8.15am when I'm suppose to be there by 8am. Thank god Mrs K didn't scold. However, I was talking to Stephanie when she was going through the 2009 paper. I was asking her about the questions when Mrs K. said I wasn't paying attention. I had to sit away from Stephanie. Didn't mind though. It's okay for me. Not a big issue. 

Next, this I swear is freaking dumb! I lost my Ez-link card. Argh. I have no idea where I dropped it. I am not very worried though. No idea why. (I am always worried when I lose something because I seldom lose my stuff). Perhaps I am able to forgive myself this once because it's the first somewhat important thing which I have lost in my life. Those insignificant stuff which I have lost are things like erasers, pens and pencils. Oh wells, today is not my day. 

I was board the bus and I put in exactly 55cents and the bus uncle was like asking for some identification stuff which I can prove that I am not an adult. I don't carry my IC around and so I can't prove. The uncle say because I have nothing to prove that I'm not an adult, I have to pay $1. Which part of me looks like an adult? Man, can't he like use his common sense a bit? It's only those like in their 19+ people whom is those that's harder to tell. Come on la, I'm only freaking 16! You're just cheating my money, want me to put more money in there only. Whatever man, this kind of trivial matter won't bother me much. I'll just remember his face that's all.

You know it's kinda hard to start talking to somebody. Like start the conversation. It may not be hard for you but it sure is goddamn hard for me. Like what am I suppose to say? What if I ask something and the other person has a different view from me. Damn, I hate it when I'm put in this kind of situation.

There will be something I wish to tell you...

"There is no person in this world who is made to handle every punch that's thrown at them. We aren't made that way. In fact, we're made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. We aren't suppose to be able to handle everything. But that's what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us most."

And it's you whom I wanna talk to but you seem unapproachable...

But I won't...

This morning I was walking and I passed someone. I wanted to smile but "I think" she rolled her eyes at me or she was tired or something. Oh wells, continued to walk to assemble. We had spot check this morning and Mrs Kwan said one by one stand up so I was the second one and claudia stood up first. Then Mrs K. was like Stand Up! Then I had the "huh" look and when I was standing up half way, (thank god claudia told her) Mrs K. asked me to sit down. I was kinda tired and it's hard to absorb things in the morning man. Haha, I was looking at my attire, everythings fine. Thank god my nails are short. 

Lessons went on as per normal and it was a pretty relax day cos lessons weren't that tied nor boring. Chinese extra lessons was taken over by Zhang lao shi because my Weng lao shi couldn't make it. Wow, it was awesome. Haha, I love to talk and answer questions for Chinese. Why? I am very talkative and I must talk if not I'll feel very weird so I talk by answering questions. Haha. Lame yes. But overall, it was fun! 

Went home straight and ate cup noodles. Was about to go and take a nap when my dad was like okay, lets bring the rabbits down and I was like Damn! There goes my nap. Oh wells, Shen shen is so cute. I left him next to the bars at the steps while taking one baby one out to teach it how to walk down the stairs and apparently, when I was doing all this, shen shen walked down on his own. Haha, he walked down even before my dad walked down. What a smart rabbit! The baby was fearful so it didn't manage to walk down even one step (it takes time). Was trying to get rid of all the fur coming out from shen shen cos he is like molting, changing its fur so there has been a lot of fur all over the place. Had fun with them and I just love to see shen shen walk down the stairs again when we got back home. (= It's awesome to see him walk down the stairs and then open the door for him and he will walk in by himself. A sense of satisfaction is what I feel. I trained him to walk down the stairs and I am proud of it! :D

Enough crapping, and oh, before I forget, let me you another inccident which happened during Math. Mrs Kunna wants the Math test to be held next wednesday after school during Math extra lesson. I told her I can't make it cos I am having competition on that day. She said stuff like then you will get zero for math, you don't know your priorities and stuff like that. I told her it was Nationals but still she was kinda angry with me. I have to fix a day with her and that's another problem which I face but I think I have sorted it out. I hope it works. This is my time-table for next week:

Monday

-Competition (Cannot do during recess since it's 1 hour)

Tuesday

-Chinese orals and have to rush down for Math tuition (Don't wanna have it on this day either, so I can revise with my teacher)

---> I hope I can make it on time for Math tuition and be one of the first few to go first. Damn, I hope lao shi allows me to be like the first few to go.

Wedneseday 

-Competition

Thursday

-Bio practical 

-MATH TEST

Friday

-Good Friday, No school. (=

My whole week is literally packed with competitions and test. Gosh! I swear my life is as busy as a bee. 

Hey, I wanna talk to you. I have no idea what I wanna talk to you about but I think we need to talk. Maybe it's just me. In any case, I wanna talk to you. I hope you know who you are.

Why is it like that? The choice I chose isn't working that well is it? Maybe it is... I'm not very sure.

Things may never be the same again... (I'm afraid to say this line)

But it doesn't mean I won't stand up on my 2 feet again and conquer it. I will. 
Watch me.