For some reasons, I have been emotionally down. No one knows because I don't put it on my face and let everyone see. There are only 3 faces which I show, the day-dreaming face, black face and of cos, my smiley face (:  I am a positive person, well at least I try to not think about the negativity of things so much. In life, people are always prudent (always expecting the worst) and that is human nature.

Why am I talking about that? Haha! I'm not here to talk about human nature! Anyway, back to my emotions. I am emotionally down because there's just so many things going on. There will surely be something on everyday. If there isn't, then there must be something wrong. I am freaking stress over school stuff. From coursework to homework to lessons to trainings and to a new thing called "friend". I want to go into coma. I don't want to wake up for the time being. I need a break from all these things. I have a feeling that I may break down and cry. I don't want to and hope I will not especially during training where it's the easiest place to make me cry. ( I don't know why though)

I wanna tell someone but after thinking about it, what is there to say? Tell her that I'm stress over all these things and expect her to console me and tell me that everything will fly pass very quickly in the end? No. It's not going to be this way. I don't need that someone to say nice things to me. Things that when you're down, you always here. I am strong. I am able to keep it inside myself. The only thing I'm scared is that I may not be able to take it and end up tearing in the end. (even if I want to cry, I won't. I will just keep tearing.)

If I breakdown and you happen to see it, good for you. I never ever cry for this kind of reasons. I have cried in front of people but it was when my thumb was swollen during fairfields match and the sec 4's farewell. I am confuse with how I'm feeling right now. It's probably the stupid thing that I'm having now that is making me go crazy. However, I know myself pretty well that I am bottling up a lot of things. It's not good and I have not cried ever since the sec 4's farewell. I have only teared.

There is one small action that will make me cry. I found out that it's my weakness or you can say that I feel so safe that I just let my tears roll down my cheeks. If you know me well, you should have found out by now. I never knew about it until that day.

Btw, whoever is reading this. If you really see me breakdown, please don't make it a big thing. If you see it, just keep it to yourself. (:

I think I just wrote crap up there!