I was thinking in the bathroom just now. It's easy to get swayed away by the water when showering. I asked myself why is it time and time again I keep repeating the same mistakes? I know my mistakes but why is it I can't change it regardless of the amount of effort I put in to change it? 

I have no answer to those questions. I realized that I know how to play a complex game and play a tricky game but now that I need to play a simple game, I no longer know how. It's really hurting me to know that I cannot even play the most basic game and it was the first thing everyone was taught how to. It's saddening to let have my heart telling me that I can't play any simple shots or any simple game. It's saddening to know that my heart is aching because we've been trying to work together to overcome this problem. There's no solution to it yet. I'm scared, afraid and frightened.

I sound like as though my "heart" is someone. It may sound weird but that's how I like to depict it.