I shall skip the school part and move on to my competition. Thanks everyone for all your "good luck"! (Though I know you all won't be able to see this)

I played first doubles. I had butterflies in my stomach before the match started. The atmosphere was so tense that I got tense too. As soon as the first singles finished her game, we went into the court to stroke. Everything was nice and fine. Our opponent was the captain and another girl. The game was very tense because the scores were close and both our opponents and us were having that "Fierce" attitude. The first set score was 18:21 and the second set score was 19:21. We lost. It was a close one. I was the one making the mistakes and I know that myself even without coach telling me. I felt really useless and extra. It's like I'm there in the court as a flower pot. Due to my stupid mistakes, we lost. I felt like a failure. I let the team down and coach as well. We were suppose to win but we didn't. If it wasn't for my stupid mistakes, we could have had a rubber set. 

I cried after my match. I cried because my stupidity ended the whole game and they won straight sets. I cried also because I let my team down and coach. I really don't know what to say. I think my tears went all out for that previous incident and this time after my match. Therefore, I didn't have any tears rolling down my cheeks when coach talked to us. I'm glad that I didn't cry and was too tired to. I almost cried when I was cheering for the 2nd doubles and 3rd singles. I hold back my tears. I'm not a cry baby! If you know me well, I don't cry easily. These few weeks, I don't know why I cry so easily. I guess I bottled all of it too full that the bottle let out some so that I can fill it again the next time. 

Well, I must say I'm actually glad to meet this pair of doubles. They really taught me a lot of things. I won't say it here but instead I will keep it in my heart and remember this match for as long as possible. It is the only match yet which I've came across which have taught me so many things. I will learn from my mistakes and prove to myself that I am not a failure. The most important thing which they have taught me was to fight to the end and keep the spirit burning! This failure will make me stronger and perhaps change my mentality in court the next time I play. 

For dinner and Prata House today, it was really ARGH! Shi Yin, Yi Ning and I reached there later than the rest because we had to send Divya off first cos she had to go back to camp. We reached Prata house and there were 3 seats nicely reserved for us right in front of coach! It was a long long long table all joint together. Shi Yin took the sit next to Meldee and Yi Ning took the sit next to Shi Ying. I had to sit in front of coach. It's not the first time I sat in front of him but after the talk we had with him I felt uncomfortable. I know he want to ask me "What happened to you?", his favourite question. I got over it and started playing games in Yi Ning's phone to distract myself from thinking about my match.

During dinner, he wanted to ask me something but he didn't in the end. He said it was personal and therefore he will ask me some other time I think. I think he will ask me that favourite question of his. I was texting Anabel throughout dinner and thank god he didn't see. He wanted to take a look at what I texted Anabel but I was quick enough to tell Anabel because she was sitting next to him. I was stoning during dinner and I was kinda having a negative feeling. Don't know how to say it or what it is. A mix feeling if I can call it. 

Oh wells, I shall write until here. It's time to sleep! There's training tomorrow! Aye... hope it's gonna be a happy day.