I think my previous post was super emo. Oh wells, today is a really SHIT day. I lost my Cedar match. Freaking played rubber. I don't wanna talk about my match cos I'm too tired to. It was just coach being very angry with my doubles but more on Yi Ning for the 1st match. Then I also told umpire that the SJI guy was practically facing his school's match on the next court instead of our match. 1 point is super important for us okay! Especially when it's fucking deciding match. I hate playing the deciding match, I don't think I'm trained to win deciding matches. Deciding for really super important stuff. Like getting a medal or deciding the position (top 4, top 3).

Why I say this? Because I lost Farefield's match last year when I partnered Sarah. Our match was the deciding match. We played rubber and lost. It was the match to decide which school will get a medal. Lost it. This year, played with Cedar and it's deciding match for us to see which placing we get top 3 or top 4, lost it & got top 4. Both matches I played. Partner different but yet lost. I really think I'm not suited to win important matches like these. This kind of matches, I call them the "live" or "perish" match. My mental is not strong at all and I really don't know who can help me with it when I myself don't even know too. It's the hardest thing to train also. I guess coach is right, I'm still not hungry for it. 

Next, I love CHINESE. Haha, again I say this again. Today lao shi was talking to us about this new policy which government came up with quite some time ago, to use English words to teach Chinese words like Apple = Ping Guo. Those simple words. It was inside the Chinese magazine and they gave the different point of views from secondary school people about it. Lao shi asked the class who agrees with this kind of teaching and as usual only those active ones answered. I disagreed with using English to teach Chinese. The rest of those people actually agreed because it makes it easier for them to understand Chinese as they come from a family where communication is in the form of English. 

Lao shi asked the class who agreed or disagreed with it and only those who are active answered her question cos I think the rest are either doing their stuff or sleeping or don't want to answer. I gave my opinion. I think it's not a good idea because Chinese is a language, it is not a subject like Science or Mathematics. Chinese is a language where you need to talk and use it because it's a language, whereas Science and Mathematics; these are subjects where you can use either Chinese or English to teach. Since Chinese is a language, what's the point of learning it then when the teacher is using English to teach? Isn't it a language? Since it's a language, it should be taught using that language and not some other languages. There is no point to it if it is taught using other languages. I think it will then be meaningless. Haha! I like Chinese because I think it makes me think about the good and bad side of things so when I write gong han or si han I know how to write the good and bad side. (I doubt you understand it, haha. I literally tried to translate it from Chinese to English cos it's kinda hard to explain perfectly in English)

Oh wells, I think I'm gonna write until here. Today, I am expressionless, feeling-less, emotionless, mood-less and tear-less. I had no feeling when I came out of the court and I did not cry. I don't know whats up with me and my heart. I guess we stopped friend-ing each other though it is still constantly pumping blood to all parts of my body. Haha, I talk like as though my heart is my friend. It's an organ! HAHA! 

To be continued...